How Grief and Loss Affect Children
What is grief?
Grief is an emotional response to loss, especially the death of a loved one. Grief can be described as intense sadness or sorrow, and as the experience of coping with loss. Grief is a complex emotion and affects everyone differently. Feelings of grief may also be mixed with other intense emotions like anger, disappointment, anxiety, numbness, shock, guilt, relief, blame, denial, or shame.
There are many different types of grief:
Loss of a loved one, also referred to as bereavement.
Feelings of loss that come with a terminal diagnosis, loss of health, or due to a disability.
Death of a pet.
After suffering a miscarriage.
Loss of your home.
A big change in your life, brought on by war, conflict, natural disaster, or tragedy.
How does grief and death affect children?
How children are affected by grief will depend on many factors:
Their age.
Their stage of development.
If they have any prior experience with death or loss.
The culture they come from.
Their personality.
It is important to note that grief may affect children differently than adults, and as such may have long term lasting effects on children who experience loss at a young age.
There are 3 main ways in which children experience grief differently from adults:
Children may have a delayed reaction to grief.
This may appear as them having little or no reaction to the news of a loved one’s death, or it may appear as though they are unaffected by it. If a child has no prior experience of grief they may not know how they should react, and it may take children a longer time than adults to process what is happening.Children step in and out of grief.
Adults may experience grief as an intense emotion immediately following loss that comes in waves. However, children may cope with loss by grieving and then “stepping out” of their grief to play with friends or watch TV. This may be because of their limited emotional capacity to cope with grief.Children are more likely to experience physical effects of grief, at a much higher rate than adults might.
These physical effects of grief include stomach pain, headaches, tiredness, dizziness, or trouble focusing.
How grief affects very small children (0-5 years)
Very small children will not have an understanding of death or the permanence of death. They may think that the person who has died will come back, or they may not understand where they have gone.
Common reactions may be:
Being anxious or worried.
Crying a lot.
Trouble sleeping or eating.
Asking many questions about the person who has died or death.
Asking repeatedly about the person who has died (for example, where are they).
Being upset about changes in their normal routine.
Physiological issues like stomach aches.
Being worried about death and dying, including worrying about other loved ones dying or going away.
Thinking death is their fault (magical thinking).
Behaving much younger than their age, being clingy and needing attention.
Having nightmares.
How grief affects older children (6-11 years)
Older children may have a better understanding of death, depending on their age and maturity. Children from the ages of 6 or 7 will now understand that death is permanent and that the person who died will not come back.
Common reactions may be:
Asking many questions about death and what happens when someone dies.
Worrying about death and dying.
Aware of the emotions of the people around them, especially if loved ones appear distressed, sad or upset.
Difficulty focusing on schoolwork.
Regressing and acting younger than their age.
Wanting things to go back to how they were before.
Getting angry or frustrated more easily, especially with changes in routine.
Feeling deeply sad or lonely.
How grief affects tweens and teenagers
Adolescents will have a very good understanding of death and its impacts on themselves and their family. Teenagers will usually have a more adult perspective on death which may mean they will worry about long-term impacts of a loved one’s death.
Common reactions may be:
Intense feelings of sadness, anger, and sometimes guilt.
Reluctance or difficulty to talk about their feelings.
Worrying about finances, or expenses like housing and bills, especially if the person who died was a provider.
Worrying that they might also die or get sick.
Difficulty focusing on schoolwork.
Becoming less social.
Worrying about safety and security.
Anger at the situation or wondering why this had to happen to them.
Worrying about the future.
Bottling up their emotions or putting up a wall.
Acting like or taking on the role of an adult in the family.
Regressing to acting much younger than their age.
How can we support children who have experienced trauma through grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss or change in someone or something important. Trauma through grief happens when that loss or change is also connected to a deeply distressing or frightening event.
For a child whose parent has to leave the family due to domestic violence, the child may grieve the loss of that parent in their everyday life, but may also be dealing with the fear and confusion caused by violent behaviour they might have witnessed. The child might feel unsafe, guilty, or even responsible for what happened, which makes their grief much more complicated.
Children’s grief can appear in different ways and at different times, and can include mood swings, withdrawal, or changes in sleep and appetite. They may seem emotionally distant or complain of physical discomfort, like stomach aches. In older children, grief can also lead to disordered eating or substance use as they try to manage overwhelming emotions or regain a sense of control.
Supporting a child through grief isn’t about taking the pain away — it’s about helping them understand that their feelings are valid, and they’re not alone.
• Be patient with behaviour: Grief can cause children to act out. Instead of labelling them as “bad,” separate the behaviour from their identity. For example: “I know you’re a good child, but this isn’t a good choice. Let’s find a better way to show how you feel.”
• Educate yourself: Grief changes over time and looks different in every child. Some days will be harder than others. Knowing this helps you stay patient and supportive.
• Normalise grief conversations: Talk openly about grief using books, cartoons, or real-life examples. Make it clear that grief is normal and doesn’t have to be hidden.
• Provide ongoing support: Consider professional psychological support. Counsellors can help children process their emotions and build coping skills. Many schools may offer free counselling as well.
• Encourage joyful experiences: Grief doesn’t go away, but joy creates balance. Positive experiences, like hobbies or family outings, help children feel safe and make grief feel smaller in comparison.
How our children’s books about grief help them cope with loss
It can be helpful for children of all ages to learn about the often difficult and complex emotions around grief through stories and pictures. Our children’s book about the death of a parent “The Yilmaz Family Learn How To Cope With Grief” is written for kids of all age groups, from very small children to teens. The book supports children and adults to cope with grief through simple storylines and hands-on exercises.
Our children’s books about grief:
Centre children’s experiences with grief.
Normalise children’s emotions and feelings surrounding grief and death.
Help children feel less alone in their experience.
Provide hands-on exercises for children of all ages to help cope with feelings of grief.
Include relatable stories for children of all age groups.
Offer short-term and long-term guidance for parents.
Describe mental and physical effects of grief on children of all ages.
Include trauma-informed illustrations to depict grief and loss in a non-triggering or retraumatising way.
Support parents to discuss difficult subjects such as death with children using conversation prompts.
Our books about
grief and loss:
The Yilmaz Family Learn How To Cope With Grief (Arabic)
Three children of different ages learn to cope with the loss of loved ones after a natural disaster. Join the Yilmaz children as they learn to cope with grief with the help of age-appropriate exercises.
The Yilmaz Family Learn How To Cope With Grief (Turkish)
Three children of different ages learn to cope with the loss of loved ones after a natural disaster. Join the Yilmaz children as they learn to cope with grief with the help of age-appropriate exercises.